I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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