How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
