Pappa wants mamma naked
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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