You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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