He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
