Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize