Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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