i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Your penis caused this!
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