Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
