If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize