I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
