If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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