Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
