I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
