I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
