apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
