she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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