five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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