Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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