I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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