How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
