Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
