Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
