I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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