When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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