Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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