i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
this hospital has no fireball
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
