the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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