Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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