You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
