ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
