Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
