My sheets look like a crime scene.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize