I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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