It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
