i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
