I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize