You're my little dorito
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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