That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
