This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize