Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
