if i can run in heels then i can drive
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize