My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
