Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
