"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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