i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
