i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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