I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
