My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
