I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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