Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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