New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
