dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
