Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
