he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
