Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
