Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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