Having a random hookup so left but love u
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
