Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
