Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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