Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
