I think im going to throw up on grandma
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
