if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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