NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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