And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
