Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
