omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
