So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
