put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
