He kissed a someone with a penis
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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