the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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