I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
