Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
