who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
