apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
