Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
