my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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